Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
