I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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