yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize