I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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