You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
