I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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