I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
