Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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