woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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