i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
