The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
