people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
