Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
