shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to coat check the pizza.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
