I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
