my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
