just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
