i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
