How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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