Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
