Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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