You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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