I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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