You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
