I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
