Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
