You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
