So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
