the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
