im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
