She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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