Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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