it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
