hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
