Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
