So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
