He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
