My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
