why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
