I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize