I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
