I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
