You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
