9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
