Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
