While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
