I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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