Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
