My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize