Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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