im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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