6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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