how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
