'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
