im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize