That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
