well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
