who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
