Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
