TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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