Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
