Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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