There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
