Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize