girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize