Yo dont text me then not text me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There are leaves in my underwear?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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