real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
