I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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