if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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