one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
