Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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