I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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