please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
