The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
