dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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