The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
